So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
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Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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