My sheets look like a crime scene.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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