It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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