Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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