1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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