At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
