Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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