I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
