his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
