Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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