not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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