i love accidental penises.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
