Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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