Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
