i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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