hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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