I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize