I think I won the penis lottery.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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