Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
