She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
