whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
