I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
