i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
