so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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