I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
