did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
