Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You smell like stripper and shame
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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