also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think i got beer on your cat.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
