Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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