that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
