he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
