can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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