My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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