I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
