Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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