At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize