My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
