So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
