After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
