my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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