i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
