The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
