i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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