I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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