I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
