you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
