I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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