One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
