Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The adults are the big ones right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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