I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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