4 words: hood of his car
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
