Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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