those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
